Friday, January 25, 2013

 it's been a week and a day since we lost our beautiful boy. and the sadness doesn't seem to stop.  
edgar recovered swimmingly from his surgery in november.  yet i felt, even then, that i couldn't leave him alone.  i felt he needed me.  and i couldn't seem to keep him comfortable without pain meds.  he was limping and the limping was worsening with each week.  we thought it was nerve damage from the surgery, and the aches and pains of winter.  but a week into january, we learned of the cancer in his shoulder, coursing through him.  and eight days later, he was gone. bravely, with tom and i both beside him. and he left us the gift of not having to make the unbearable choice of euthanizing.  he was only briefly uncomfortable.

the joy in our world is gone.  i am lucky that during the last 2 months of his life, i was able to spend almost every moment with edgar, without the sad and final energy of knowing he was dying. the memories are beautiful, but waking up to a house without edgar is a disappointment every time.  our friends, our family, our co-workers and our wonderful vets have made this awful experience as good as it could be. our vet came to the house almost daily to check on him (and us), and arranged medication to be delivered so we didn't need to leave him. we have been showered with love and kindnesses.  we are bursting with gratitude.  and sorrow.
i couldn't bring myself to make this post until now.  but, as always, this blog is part of my healing.  part of directing me to a healthy place.  and today is a new day.  
 

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16 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 25, 2013 at 8:16 AM

    I'm sure this blogpost was a difficult one, sadness is harder to share. You are brave. Edgar is/was loved and it will be easier with time. baby steps.

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  2. renildeJanuary 25, 2013 at 8:18 AM

    I was wondering where you were...
    although your post with beautiful pictures and heartwarming words too is a sweet tribute to Edgar this is very sad news,he was such a part of your blogging, i'm sure he will be missed and remembered by many of us out here.
    wishing you and Tom strenght and comfort in each others company and memories, grieving needs its time, take care, xx

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  3. Jess KoehnJanuary 25, 2013 at 8:33 AM

    I am so sorry to hear about Edgar, Annette. :( I love the picture of him half sitting on that porch swing.

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  4. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2013 at 8:54 AM

    oh you sweet lady, my heart aches for you, such a beautiful tribute to your beautiful pal, I have missed you, take care,

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  5. JenJanuary 25, 2013 at 10:07 AM

    You and Edgar taking walks are my strongest early memories of this blog. I know there is a huge hole in your life and that you miss him constantly. He was lucky to have you, and you him. xo Jen

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  6. RosemaryJanuary 25, 2013 at 2:49 PM

    I know how much you loved Edgar remembering how delighted you were when he recovered previously. He will always have a special place in your heart - I am sorry, take care.

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  7. WoolWorksJanuary 25, 2013 at 9:41 PM

    ...and tomorrow is another new day. It was good to chat today and see you in your studio.

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  8. chasing lightning bugsJanuary 26, 2013 at 4:54 AM

    each of you have warmed my heart with your kind words. it really is touching and beautiful that edgar's spirit has soared around the world and into each of your lives.
    thank you for supporting me through his surgery and now this. i feel true friendship from this special little corner.

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  9. pattystackerJanuary 27, 2013 at 8:52 AM

    so sad to hear nettey. old cliché it is but one day at a time; often one hour at a time. i think it's so courageous of you to be able to write about your loss. wish i could be there to give you a big hug. beautiful shots of dear edgar you've posted here; the one on the porch is the memory i have of him. hang in there; keep writing, keep creating; you are an unbelievable inspiration to me.

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  10. simple :: dream :: quiltsJanuary 27, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. It truly is one day at a time, memories of him will flood your days helping to comfort you. Savor the memories knowing you brought joy to each others lives.

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  11. haricotJanuary 28, 2013 at 7:45 AM

    I came here a little late...and so sorry to hear your bad news, Annette.. I clearly remember the moment I was beside of my ex dog, Lucky, who was died at her 17 years old, and I understand Edger's calmness and his pain was not prolonged. It was good for him and your accompany with him made him really feel better, I'm sure.

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  12. Jacqueline~Cabin and CottageJanuary 28, 2013 at 10:45 AM

    So sorry you lost your beloved Edgar.

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  13. KristieJanuary 28, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    I didn't know you had lost Edgar. I'm so very sorry for your loss...I sure this must be a very difficult time for you. He seemed to be getting along after his surgery. I know how you feel because I've lost two dogs that meant the world to me. It does get easier my friend... over time. You never forget...but the sadness of losing him will fade over time and be replaced with all the wonderful and loving memories you shared with him. :)

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  14. valerietilsten59.blogspot.comJanuary 29, 2013 at 7:09 AM

    Dearest Laura..
    I have been a somewhat all over the place these days.. I missed this post. You cannot imagine how sad I feel for you at the loss of your beautiful Edgar.. I remember when i started following you..I used to love to read about Edgar .. I am so so sorry for your loss. I think you had many years of love from him.. and I will always remember your blog and Edgar..they went to gether.
    Much love.. nothing worse than loosing a pet.
    My heart is with you.
    val..xx

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  15. chasing lightning bugsFebruary 2, 2013 at 6:58 AM

    thank you so much for each of your wonderful comments, your kind and beautiful words that make me feel loved and makes his love bigger and stronger. xoxo

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  16. DeborahFebruary 4, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have not been keeping up with blog friends lately and returning to see this post is very sad. We bring pets into our lives and somehow they integrate as family and their loss is felt as no less than that, one of our own. I am nurturing our 13 year old Boston Terrier through what appear to be his last days. It is a troubling time and I feel guilty a lot, not really knowing how to do it. Thank you for this thoughtful post. I hope the pangs will lessen soon, though never to abate altogether I am sure. Rest in Peace Edgar.

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