he is still a very real presence in our home. i don't once walk in the door without the brief and broken joy of expecting to see him, the urge to call to him. i sit on his couch with my 'edgar quilt' now to be near him. but we are healing. i am back in the studio. i'm working steadily now. but his presence is strong. we have had such touching and comforting gestures of kindness during the past weeks. so many cards with sincere and comforting words. flowers, gifts of food, chocolate, even aromatherapy candles from someone i've never met. so we move on, each day is a new one. i've been in touch with a great dane rescue organization. there is one particular dog there who's eyes have called to me since i first saw his picture a few weeks ago. and he desperately needs a loving home. i think he would love living with us. and i know we would love him. but i'm not ready to lose edgar's presence. and i know when a new warm soul is here, there will be a quiet fading. i can't bear to start that yet.
when i was up in the night with edgar at christmas, the light of the christmas tree was the perfect light. not too harsh....a soft glow to see by. when we took down the tree, i knew i'd miss it's perfect light, so i made a nightlight from a strand of lights in a bowl. a bowl of light, a symbol of edgar.
it may be a mistake as i drag my feet about bringing a new dog into our home. this might be the one we are meant to have. but we can't be ready until we're ready.
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