as i sit with my tea this morning my mind is all tangled up in the complexities of accomplishment. the last few days i've been going on about my personal shifts. they aren't shifts as much as u-turns, or more accurately, S-turns. looking back as much as forward. many years of making and selling. there is a calm sense of simplicity that my life demands. i chose it. i love what i do, but i think i haven't been doing it entirely.
there was the time i thought that being an artist was my destiny. but, after years of mucking around in the paint, i knew that being an artist of the new york gallery variety, wasn't for my life. i didn't thrive on the tortured, driven scramble it demanded. but i painted regardless. i had no intention of selling my paintings, i just had to paint. but i also made specific marketable items to sell. two entirely distinct ventures. the items i sell have always varied. but have always been very aesthetically different from my fine art sensibilities.
and now i am finding the blend happening. it's like the two sides of me that i've built a barrier between for decades, are beginning to break into each other, and possibly swirl comfortably together. i feel the urge to concentrate less on what my practical self tells me will sell, but rather what my artist self tells me to make.
so off i go across the yard to get to work.....
13 hours ago