edgar is sleeping stretched on the couch. the tree is lit and reflecting in the window. we are home from the neighbors, after watching 'national lampoon's christmas vacation', in front of the fire with hot chocolate and bailey's, brie cheese and triscuits and wonderful warm company. a beautiful conclusion to a difficult week.
i spent this week trying to get used to a new sewing machine. a frustrating and stressful proposition. a machine that was supposed to make life in the studio smoother and simpler but instead introduced a level of frustration more intense than i've felt in years. it's an industrial machine that insists on huge needles and thread that feels like rope, something i wasn't told when i ordered it. it's not even sort of the right machine for what i do. the plan had been to get a heavy duty machine for my quilts and the quilted things i make that can get quite bulky. and this was the machine that was erroneously recommended by the man who services my current machine. i feel like i've been hoodwinked. it has been a week and i've been unable to take a single stitch. i've wasted so much time trying to sort this all out, being reduced to tears too many times to admit. and all during the time i'm struggling to keep up with all the studio demands to begin with. i quickly realized quilts were out of the question with this ogre. but even when i'd wrapped my head around the idea that this would be good to have when i wanted to make totes or even books, to sew through leather or heavy bookboard or canvas, i still was unable to make it work. and when i took it back for the 2nd time and the dealer had the same trouble, i was torn between feeling vindicated and wishing it had been something simple that i'd overlooked, just to save the time and be back in the studio. so the new machine that my wonderful supportive parents bought me as a christmas gift sits staring hatefully at me in the studio creating tension and angry energy. and yet, my gut tells me that i should keep it even if it is driving me to distraction. i'm not sure why yet, but i feel it has a spot in the studio. maybe something i will make in the future needs this machine. it hasn't been easy keeping tantrums in check this week, anger i never feel, bubbling quickly and violently to the surface, forcing me to engage all the self-control i can find. it was a good thing to employ those skills again.
so, i will stop complaining and be thankful i am able to do what i love and promise this monstrous new machine that i will one day grow to admire it.